Moments

The last couple weeks have been rough. It started with Jon and the boys all having awful colds and ended with another of Aaron's bouts of horrible constipation. We are talking up until 3 a.m. with a screaming 2 year old bad. (I have realized that he is intolerant of lactose and I am still trying to figure out what dairy products to limit and how much he can tolerate). All of these fun things have resulted in many hours of lost sleep, lots of fussiness/clinginess from the baby and whininess/clinginess from the toddler and way too much frustration on my part. I have had moments where I was just certain that I could never handle more than 2 kids and I seriously couldn't imagine meeting the needs of one more tiny, crying person. Just fitting a shower in between both kids clinging to me seemingly 24-7 has been a big accomplishment, let alone making a decent meal or showering before 8 at night. This evening I mentioned to Jon, "I actually put on make-up today." He replied, "Good job babe!" Wow, that's a little sad...

And then there are these beautiful moments of motherhood. The kind that remind me why I CHOSE to be a mother and why I LOVE this divine role. Aaron smiling his handsome, sweet smile and saying, "Mommy, you make me happy!" Declan lighting up from head to toe the very second I enter the room. Sitting on the floor stacking blocks, coloring, cuddling, rocking and singing songs. Moments when I see a lightbulb go off in their little heads as they learn a new skill or suddenly understand something I've been trying to teach. Aaron reminding me a few bites into lunch, "Mommy, we need to say prayers!" The proud look of accomplishment on Declan's face as he figured out how to pull himself to standing recently. Those are the moments of light, the bright spots, that make the bleak moments (scrubbing poop out of a bathtub, wiping snotty noses for the hundredth time, staring in the mirror in dismay at the 10 lbs I still haven't lost from Declan's pregnancy) bearable.

I realize that one day I will be sad these days are gone. Sad my babies no longer need me like they currently do. Yet I also realize that I will be happy that I WAS there when they needed me. Happy that I got to be with them through the shining moments and even through the rough ones. I hope that they grow up understanding that any job or role will come with lots of hard works, problems to solve and tasks we would probably prefer to avoid. I pray that they will have the desire and faith to accomplish hard things.